I wouldn’t get an A+ for the sentence I am about to write – it is too long, confusing, too full of information all tumbling together and, to anyone who is new to the concept that the Universe and the Web of life we live in, is in fact one gigantic, ancient computer, my sentence will be incomprehensible.

The heart’s electromagnetic feeling-field is immense, and, when combined with the electromagnetic field of our thoughts and our higher Mind, results in an instantaneous computerized calculation which causes (follow this now) particles and waves in the quantum hologram Web, which holds everything that is, to move around and bump into other particles and waves…so as this happens, as it all collides, it also calculates and out of these calculations, reality emerges…the thing we call reality, what our world is to us. The collisions and calculations (it is intelligent, remember) cause a rearrangement of the atoms and molecules of our physical world. We have been causing these changes since our birth.

There, that’s a small package of my struggling understanding. I still have to clarify how my DNA interacts with that Web and causes the particles and waves to collide and calculate. Apparently, that’s what happens. That’s pretty important, because my DNA is obviously key to me arranging my reality the way I most would enjoy it.

There are so many aspects of all this to understand, I could read forever and continue to understand more and more, but still not change a thing in my life.

Understanding it all is not necessary. When we press a key on the computer, most of us don’t know what happens in the bits and bytes of the code within the computer setup. We discover quickly, though, that pressing a key makes things happen fast! So we just get on with it and start learning what keys to press to get what we want from the computer.

So it is with these quantum field discoveries and deductions.

I first started reading Gregg Braden’s books three or four years ago, maybe a bit longer. I would read a book front to back, understand a tiny bit and leave it for a while, then come back when something moved me to take it out of the bookcase again.

Invevitably, when that moment arrives, I let the pages fall open anywhere as I walk across the room to my chair. And I stand riveted as a paragraph leaps out at me. And this time, I understand what he is trying to say to me. My universe instantaneously expands as I move from the bookcase to my chair.

But this whole process takes patience, because entirely new concepts take the brain a while to build into neural connections that connect to other things. And in the meantime, the loving energy behind the Divine Web is watching and is guiding me to other books and articles and discussions, which put in place some special neural networks which will later connect to the books I will re-read when the universe observes that I am ready. At last.

As I re-read parts of “The Spontaneous Healing of Belief” tonight, Braden’s words made much more sense than they did the first time. I gave myself the book as a Christmas present last year and probably read it somewhere between December and March. I shook my head, feeling my head too heavy with new bewildering thoughts to even allow my neck to hold it up.

As I passed another bookcase, I noticed a book I also had read quite a while ago, Stuart Wilde‘s “The Quickening“. It was fairly comprehensible at the time, at least I thought so, but tonight as I turned the pages and re-read his comments about the funnel, and the tick-tock people, and what it means to emerge from the dark depths of the narrow funnel, where most people live, and travel slowly to the outer edges of the funnel, where things are a bit unpredictable but expansion happens, I realized that I had been practicing some of that for the past few years. Moving away from situations I did not like, taking the risk of starving to death by dumping certain jobs and arrangements and moving into the big scary world, trusting God to keep and save me from life behind a garbage can somewhere. I certainly went hungry a bit, but I lived through it and so did my cat. And I emerged eventually into mysterious pathways laid down by someone somewhere (see Moen’s book “Curiosity’s Father” to learn who and where these people are who lay down our pathways for us) into better and more enlightened, easier and happier situations…eventually is the keyword there!

But I want speed in these things. I want to change my reality instantly if I don’t like it. After all these books and years of reading and watching Bruce Lipton’s videos and absorbing all the information about the quantum universe I can find (as a lay person), I still seem to lack the most basic understanding.

So after re-reading some of Braden and Wilde tonight, and a bit of Moen too, I noticed my right arm was aching again. Lately it had been aching a lot, right where the forearm joins the elbow, that muscle there. I have been ringing the Salvation Army kettle bells a lot lately, hour after hour, out in the cold, maybe that’s it. Or maybe it’s from holding the pages of all these books I am addicted to, open while I read. That could be it. I don’t know what caused it. But it has been aching for days now. Suddenly I felt impatient and annoyed about it. It was ridiculous. Why would I want an aching arm when I have to type my blog up tonight? I hate having an aching arm. Suddenly, in a moment of acute insight, I dismissed the ache in my arm. It was ridiculous and unnecessary. It served no purpose and I dismissed it, like an impatient Sergeant-Major in the Infantry dismisses an irritating Private. “Dismissed!” I mentally hollered at it. It stamped its feet like all good Privates do and vanished in, like, a half a second.

I sat there, waiting for the ache to come back. I lifted my arm, looked at it, and paused, waiting for it to ache. It did not ache. It does not ache now. The ache is gone. I want to see in the morning if the ache is still gone. If it is, then I have performed my first quantum miracle on my life.

If I can do that, I can do any blessed thing. Right?

The question, however, is: Am I brave enough to face my own power? To take my power and use it? To declare that my life will be this and this, and not that. To seek that level of expansion…can I do that, overcome my fear? It means leaving all my comfort zones, from forever ago to the unimaginable future.

Do I dare? Even as I think about this, my heartbeat speeds up, my breathing pauses. I feel a lump of fear in my throat.

Is there indeed, no one to pray to, to plead with? Please, please, please give me what I need so badly. I need more of this and that and less of whatever, Please help me, help me, I am lost, I am dying here.

Is there no one actually out there who is denying me my needs and wishes? Am I…unparented by some whimsical God-force that decides for me, what I shall put up with? Unparented feels kind of lonely. Am I ready to see myself with all the powers of the quantum universe at my disposal? Is there no one to blame?

What about all the lessons of the Church and the Bible, all the threatened punishments, all the endless rules and regulations, all the commitment to patient endurance in the face of struggle? Do you mean to say I never had to put up with all that, not ever? It was always an illusion?

Am I in command of my own life? All this time? I never knew? What evil engineer of heaven or hell decreed that we should travel through space and time ignorant of the steering wheel right in front of our own eyes?

I have a lot to learn, but it is going to be worth it. As I end this confusing and confused article, my arm is still not aching.

This is very exciting. I may not be able to sleep, thinking about it.


About gentlenurse

Blogging is not only a pleasure, it is a basic necessity...I don't know how I have lived so much of my life without a blog. It gives me a place to write, a motivation to write, lots of reasons for reading lots of mind-expanding and challenging books, plenty to think about and be happy about. It has become a centerpiece of my retirement life along with my friends and pets, my faith and my afterlife journeys.
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