Yesterday, July 18, I had a telephone Reading from a popular and effective Medium. I’ll just mention the parts of the reading pertinent to this forum. You may have read about my brother’s retrieval and then how he has been caretaking a herd of horses over the past year. I had mentioned that I could not find my mom or my daughter in the park, and couldn’t figure out where they were.

My dad was in the Park when I first went there, I didn’t take him there though, someone else must have done so a long time ago. More recently I took my sister Lorna to the Park when she died last December.

Well into the reading,the Medium asked me, What is all this about Horses??? I replied I liked horses but didn’t know much about them. He said, your mom is here, she wants to tell you about the Palomino. Do you know what a Palomino is? I was not sure. He said, it is a Golden Palomino. I said, Like Trigger? He said Yes!! Exactly like Trigger!!

He said, your mom wants you to know she rides this golden Palomino. I was stunned!! My poor old mom, now full of vibrant good health, sitting tall and strong, riding a horse! A horse of her own, of which she was clearly very proud!!

At some point in the reading he mentioned the name Pegasus, the name of the legendary flying horse. I am guessing that is the name of my mom’s horse.

And then I remembered that my brother has been in charge of a herd of horses for a while, and I saw the connection!

I said that I had not been able to find my mom or my daughter since they passed, and I wasn’t sure they were even in the park.

He replied, your mom and daughter have been so busy doing things, they have not been around when you were visiting.

The other interesting thing is, he said, Your mom says, Your father is still a Pain!! I laughed but I was surprised. I had somehow thought when we moved out of body at last we left all our differences behind. Apparently not! I have visited my dad a few times over there, he lives alone I think with two dogs, though he spends a lot of time with his family.

The Medium said that my mom and my sister Lorna have been spending time together in order to try to resolve many of Lorna’s issues. She had a difficult childhood in some ways. She and mom were estranged for years.

Those were some of the highlights! Interestingly, today I happened for some reason to be going through a little box of ordinary jewelry, bits and pieces of stuff, and rediscovered a favorite ring I had not worn for a long time. It is a silver ring in the shape (quite lovely) of a beautiful horse, galloping along with mane flying! I was thrilled! That I should rediscover this ring a few hours after my mom telling me about her Golden Palomino!! I must try to find out what she has named her horse.

I was wearing it today when I went out for coffee, and couldn’t stop looking at it!! My mom felt very close to me.

My mom and daughter have asked me to consider writing the story of my life. I feel it is impossible. I have no idea how to do it. They said they would help. But I still can’t see how to even start. Or why they would want me to.

I am tired today. Sort of numb and very tired and just sitting staring at the wall. My precious cat has been missing since we moved house, I had hoped the medium could tell me where she is, but he said she might come home eventually if I keep asking her to return.

There is no way in life to keep from experiencing losses. It is so infuriating. Last week I was throwing chairs and stuff at my guides mentally and emotionally. I am surprised they are still talking to me. Really it is insufferable, that no one looked after my cat. Including me.

(Later on, some time after I wrote the above post, I had a message from my brother in The Park, telling me that my little black cat was tucked safely under big brother’s wing!! Nice, eh?? Wherever she is, she is not alone.)


 This is a simple, gentle and non-invasive way of helping those who are near death for long periods of time but seem to hang on and on, and in great discomfort and sometimes fear.

If you want to offer someone who is terminally ill reassurance that death is not to be feared, and that they are safe in letting go, this is how I, at least, go about it.

Many will find these techniques puzzling and unbelievable. Why? Because they are based in the power of the human imagination.

The power of Pretending cannot be overstated. If you are a student of the many metaphysical Masters offering all types of courses these days, you will realize that Imagining clearly what you want and pretending it has already come to pass, is a vital step in the manifesting process.

So it is with assisting the terminally ill.

There is no need to talk to the patient about this. If they are not interested, they will not join you, or if they choose to “hear” and “see” you and go with you to explore the Beyond, they will still make their own choice based on their new knowledge…that knowledge will likely remain buried in their subconscious and they will not discuss it, nor should you try to discuss it with them.

To attempt to intervene physically with words in any form, would be borderline illegal, unethical, and probably quite disturbing to the patient and family.

So this is a practice that takes place in your own psyche, silently.

You are connecting with the etheric body/mind of the patient on a non-physical level entirely.

This is what I do:

I decided one day to take my atheist mom, who had lain in hospital for years with a series of strokes, to The Park so she could explore it with me a little, perhaps meet her Guides and hopefully run into some of her own loved ones who had passed over.

One afternoon I lay down on my bed and went into a quiet meditative state. When I had opened my third eye and opened the tunnel (which is always there), I sought an area of the non-physical I particularly enjoy. This is an area which appears deep red and dark black, and which moves in mesmerizing, soothing waves that always take me deeper.

Not everyone accesses this particular area, it is just one that I like and try to visit often.

If you choose to practice entering the Afterlife via these methods, you will find other areas you like.

When I was calmed and my rattling, busy mind was finally quiet, I imagined myself standing at my mom’s bedside.

Taking her hand, in my imagination, I softly invited her to come with me for an enjoyable field trip, out of the body. I assured her she would return to her body at any moment when she wished to and that her body would function fully as usual while travelling with me.

Holding her hand, I gently tugged so she could easily move out of body if she wished to. These patients have always, so far, wanted to get out of their body and go somewhere more interesting.

As we moved away from the bed together, I said, “There is a lovely place called The Park where there are terrific rose gardens I’d love to show you. Let’s shoot over there for a few minutes.”

The next minute, I “saw” the edge of a massive landform in space. The place I usually choose to enter (although sometimes I do enter right at the picnic benches by the ocean instead) has an inviting, carefully tended rose garden with willows and pools, birds, and sweet perfume on the air.

Just like you’d imagine it!!

We step onto the path through the roses and occasionally we stop and smell the roses! The coral colored ones are my favorite, though the white ones are stunning too.

Then we access a grassy path/trail that winds around a low mountain from which we can look down on a small city. We can see buildings and temples, fountains, flowers, lawns, and people moving about.

There do not appear to be gas-powered vehicles of any kind in The Park. Perhaps they could be created, if you wanted one, I don’t know. No one has, so far, that I am aware of. You don’t need them to shoot around, of course. Everyone can fly by some kind of telepathy instantaneously. Just as I can while in that state.

If no one appears to talk with us as we move along the trail, then I head for the picnic benches and the ocean, where someone always appears for the patient who is with me.

At some point, then, as I continued this Pretending, Imagining the trip together, which is surprisingly easy to do, suddenly someone approached us. Someone I do not know, had never seen before. In mom’s case, I think it was one of her Guides. Sometimes it is a relative or friend.

They always know the patient and they are delighted to see each other. They always stand chatting for a bit and at this time, I excuse myself and make sure that this person will accompany the patient “home” back to their body with no problem when they are ready.

That is all I do. After that, I leave it alone and usually within three to eighteen months, they choose to leave Earth permanently and head to The Park, or to the person they met there that day.

There are two people I did this exercise for who have chosen not to leave. That is their prerogative, and none of my business. I just make sure they have the opportunity and the knowledge and reassurance they need, so that they know Death is not to be feared.


When I began this Quest, on July 30, 1989, when my daughter appeared in my apartment, I was a firm atheist. To be shown beyond all doubt that there IS an Afterlife and that people can travel to and fro, talk to us, continue on in their own personalities (not disappearing into the God force as some believe, thought that might happen by choice as development continues on) and that we apparently are IMMORTAL beings, these new awarenesses made an immeasurable difference to my life.

For one thing, I gradually realized the incredible wonder of being born…the gift of life…that it means that this personality, ME, not as I was in some past life, but me right now in the 21st century, this ME that is sitting here typing, will live forever.

By virtue of having been born of earthly parents, their feet made of clay, imperfect, flawed and wonderful all at once, just by that one thing, I have been placed in God’s star-sprinkled universe for all time. For some reason, I am that special, that beloved, that valuable.


The Me I tried to destroy more than once as despair overcame me at times.

That person could never be destroyed. I now realize that.

Those I love on Earth, and those I…have trouble with!

All are precious beyond measure, all are immortal, all reach and aspire and struggle to improve, develop, do better next time.

All are worthy of PUL…Pure, Unconditional Love.

I learned that animals, too, live on forever, despite religion arguing to the contrary.

My pets await me there. When my little old black cat passes on, her warm furry body and little paws no longer sleeping beside me in my bed, she will arrive on those beautiful shores where my brother, Tom, will be waiting to scoop her up and add her to the menagerie he already is caring for.

My brother, who disapproved of everything about me all our lives here on Earth, now loves me so much that he took special care to protect her when she was lost, and made sure that she was returned to me.

They were watching. They knew my suffering and sorrow when she was lost. They knew every scary dark night she slept alone under logs and hidden in deep brush.

By the way, one of the other things all this means is…There is no privacy!! Discovering this new aspect of Life, we know we might as well quit worrying about privacy. There can be no such thing on the metaphysical level.

So many things come with this new knowledge. When it is time to let go of physical life, how easy that will be, knowing that tomorrow I will be riding the little black mare my family gave me for a gift, waiting for me over There. Knowing I will be eating ice cream in The Park, watching the sun glitter and sparkle on that ocean. Knowing I can wrap my arms around my beautiful daughter, also now immortal…because I gave birth to her.

Knowing that, after all, Lori achieved her heart’s desire to get to know her family. To work in her chosen field, whatever that may be.

Knowing that after I release my breath at last, Lori and I can finally sit down together and have that conversation. I can ask her what happened in the Children’s Homes. I can ask her what troubled her. I can apologize for not being able to communicate better, to be a more perfect parent.

And I can see my darling sister Lorna again, now free of debilitating old age and memory problems, Lorna as she was, brimming with life, caring for others, protecting the weak and vulnerable.

Lorna, who also had to tread her learning path, growing in grace as she aged. Though when I remember her loving kindness toward me, her little sister, so many times when we were both young, before her disaster when she fled home, I find it hard to believe she ever needed to grow in grace. 

And she will have her beautiful auburn hair again, swinging when she tosses her head, and she will look as before…so lovely!

I will come to know my mother and father I never did while we were all here. Forgiveness, apologies, sorrow for my failings as a daughter, for my judgemental attitude, my unkind words I would dearly love to take back even now!!

And knowing that I can visit with them all, and others as well…old friends. Boyfriends I once loved and made love with! Old girlfriends I have not seen for years, people I have lost touch with.

Many of these will be in that area and over further experience (I hesitate to use the word Time) I will find areas where the rest are.

I will be able to sit in a beautiful natural setting under the Sun and Moon and talk and share and love all these people…and all my pets.

I wonder, sometimes, if Udo, the precious dog I so neglected, will be there. Or will he be with the family who lost him to the thief, Wilf Armitage.

And I, myself, will be young again. My waistline will be 26 inches again! Imagine! Whatever I wish. I will be able to run and jump over logs in the forest again, to play badminton, to sail without being seasick, whatever I want.

And I will be able to go to University and learn to paint and play music and argue philosophy…whatever I want. It’s all there. Actually, I hate philosophy, so maybe I won’t bother with that one. 

Everything people have created, are now creating even as we share this page.

One of my dear friends here on earth, who has now passed over, Garth, used to sit in his favorite chair here on Earth and put on music or a good movie…and channel it to his beloved wife and friends in The Park. He learned those skills after a great deal of work.

He used to set up a time and date to channel things he thought they might enjoy over There, and the notice would go round The Park…be at such and such a place at a certain time and Garth would be channeling some great movie or whatever. He told me there would be considerable gatherings for these events, and others, he said, did the same.

Well, to say that my Quest has been fulfilled is an understatement. I, the confirmed Atheist, learned far more than any imagination could have prepared me for.

There is no fear of Death when this knowledge enters. Of course, we all hope to die painlessly and quickly…preferably in our sleep. Except perhaps for a few brave and reckless souls who prefer to die “with their boots on”. Whatever you want.


Greyhound Bus:

I used to be going somewhere on the Greyhound bus, chugging along the highway, and I would be “daydreaming” that I was outside the bus, as though on a horse, and flying along, competing with the bus for speed, for the fun of it. And I used to think it was just a daydream although the sheer speed sensation was very delightful and real..but suddenly I would “see” what was about 4 or 5 miles up the road further, and when we got there…there it was, just like I “saw”. It used to puzzle me, because I didn’t feel like I had a body out there, but now I realize I was a point of consciousness. And in the retrieval the other day, flying over the forest toward the cliff where Kathy Carreira fell, I again had no sense of body though I was abruptly, suddenly, flying over the forest after struggling to get out of my body and do something. No sense of body, just a mind flying along.

Just off subject but interesting I guess, is when I was at TMI doing Gateway back in 2000 one of the things I saw in the darkness of the CHEC unit was one of the “Greys”. A great many people see the Greys. They are like people, but I guess from somewhere else in the galaxies…tall and slender, at least the ones I have heard about and seen, and bald heads…hairless people. I think when we see them we maybe aren’t seeing clearly or all the details but anyway, I was attempting to enter the Afterlife while in my CHEC unit that day and as I entered these buildings, I passed a desk at which sat a Grey, who looked at me very bored…they always know when students are incoming it seems. Other students that day also saw them and sometimes at home when meditating I would see one taking note of me in passing…I just don’t understand how all this is laid out, I mean it must be layers of reality or something. Bob Monroe and Bruce Moen both talk about the visitors who are watching earth’s events unfold (from a safe distance, it sounds like). So maybe they are assisting in the AL as part of our development.


This was one of the most memorable trips I have made while phasing or OBE’ing.

One day I was contemplating the Grays, who I have perceived once or twice while phasing or visiting the Park. They are frequently at an entryway office type of structure I have encountered while entering one of the Focus levels, I can’t remember which though. I am not good at knowing which Level I am at anyway.

One day I got the notion of daring to try to phase outward to a far off galaxy, to the original home of the Grays. I wondered what would happen if I dared to try such a thing. Some say the Grays are often quite crabby anyway. Well, so are we, to put it mildly!! That’s probably what they say about us I expect.

I was a bit nervous but I thought, hey, I never failed to return to my body yet. I’ll try. So I lay down for a while and thought about the two or three Grays I had seen while phasing previously.

I thought about the fabulous photos of the Milky Way I’ve seen, taken by astronomers. I imagined a faraway Galaxy by combining pictures of the Milky Way, imagery from Star Wars,  and other photos of faraway space which I have seen sometimes.

I also used the wonderful imagery from the movie Contact where Ellie approaches the golden world in the shining galaxy where she weeps and says “Beautiful…So Beautiful…I had no idea.”

As I pondered these images, I found myself suddenly in a very foggy image, which often happens to me in strange places where I can hardly hold onto the image, a lot of fogginess and vagueness, I was inside a private home of two of the Grays. I realized at the same time that this was imposing our cultural expectations on them and their planetary culture…namely, that of couples inhabiting a home and having a family.

I could only “see” the upper bodies and heads of the two grown up Grays. They seemed bemused and surprised but not hostile, angry or wanting to kick me out or anything. They seemed very patient…very like the Gray I have encountered at the Entryway to one of the Focus levels. A bit bored and like, “Oh here’s another one, they’re all over the place…well, it seems to be our job to be patient and try to assist…” They tolerated me in their “home”, if that was what it was.

I felt grateful and a bit vulnerable. After all. What would I think if one of them turned up in my home unexpectedly. As a matter of fact, two of them did once…at a very sensitive moment so to speak and I was furious and dismissed them (an adult and a child) without any apologies and admonished them never to do that again. Like, I have the power, right?

As I hovered in their home for a few moments, hanging on for dear life in case I lost it and zoomed back into my body, I realized there was a little Gray standing in the room over to the right. He (seemed to be a little “boy” to me) stood without fear, just looking at me. Maybe this happens quite a bit over there!! Us intruding, I mean. I was totally overcome to see a Gray child in his own home on his own planet.

(Was I really on his planet? Who knows?)

As I looked at him and looked with gratitude at the parents watching me without fear or condemnation, I suddenly and inexplicably yearned to take him in my arms. Knowing this was perhaps crossing a personal boundary and I might be in trouble, I moved toward him, knelt down in awe and adoration, and could not help myself, I drew him to me and held him tight. My face was awash in tears. I sobbed and could not stop sobbing. The emotion of overwhelming love flowed through me and into him in terrible gratitude and wonder.

A small life, a dear, precious little life, faraway on another star system. Life burgeoning, unstoppable, everywhere, unkillable, the force of love everlasting.

The parents and the child accepted this unplanned demonstration of LOVE quietly and calmly, but with some anxiety, I felt, too.

I let go of the child, turned to the parents, and then suddenly I was back in my body. WHAM.

I lay there with my face wet with tears for a while, feeling my whole body impacted with the force of the emotion I had felt, the love I had poured out to the child.
The gratitude and awe.

Then, feeling sure I had imagined the whole thing (I mean, really, of course I imagined the whole thing! I still think so!) I reached for a special set of tarot cards I keep by my bed, it’s a set by Rae Hepburn, Tea Leaf Fortune Cards, and shuffled and selected a card, asking, Was that experience Real, or did I just make it up?

The answer came in the form of the card :

Handshake – A meeting with a Stranger Could be Important.

It showed a picture of two hands reaching out across outer space, from a planet with a moon in a crescent shape to a far-off planet with a round moon. The hands reach out through galactic clouds and far distances to shake in comradeship across vast spaces.

I cannot tell you how I felt when I drew that card. I felt blown away and frightened, humbled, having partaken of an event I was not developed enough to understand.

I have never forgotten the little Gray child. Or the huge ocean of emotion that poured through me to “him” (if it was a “boy” in fact.)

I have never posted this before because it seems so Far Out!!


There was a situation in which I used angelic beings once several years ago, and the result was unbelievable. A violent, abusive, hopeless situation was totally healed for about ten days straight, because the house became filled with angel beings who also hovered over the house and filled up our hearts. Everything in the house changed for about ten days.

I remember looking at the evidence that this could be used continually to keep healing the situation, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe I deserved this help. I was embarrassed to keep asking. Of course it rapidly deteriorated after a while back to the same old, same old.

But I never forgot the incredible transformation in the behavior of the abuser with all those angels around. Proving, he needed love very badly and was getting it from them. When my confidence wavered, he lost his source of love energy…it was up to me to keep it coming.

So then, when I think about all this, it seems to me, we have, like, a TOOL to use and we have a responsibility to use it, often, for healing of difficult and painful situations we encounter for ourselves and others. It seems there is no limit to the number I can call on, that night, I called “Calling All Angels, Calling All Angels” and imagined hundreds of them coming in to caretake our home.

So that is probably just the use of conscious awareness of LOVE and using it to make things better.


There isn’t much left to tell you. Well, I’ve kept a few secrets, of course. Some, just because they are ordinary boring stuff and some because, well, there is a limit to the amount of personal exposure we are willing to brave.

It is, I think, unattractive to expose too much. A little mystery must be held close to one’s chest.

But if you have read every page of this tome, you know me as well as my very best friends do.

You will have disapproved of things here and there no doubt. I have avoided dwelling on various boyfriends who turned out to be meaningless relationships, and whether I should have let them into my bed or not. I have avoided talking about my two abortions, painful but necessary experiences in my own opinion.

For those who fiercely disapprove of abortion, I must mention that, as far as I can ascertain at this point, if we are choosing to re-enter Earth’s challenging atmosphere yet one more time, and the parent of our choice decides to renege on the unspoken contract by choosing abortion, we simply select another suitable parent, one who is more committed to the baby experience.

There is no trauma to the soul/spirit of the unborn child in abortion. They have a massive pool of possible parents to select from, and not only parents, but countries, cultures, religions, body types, genders, disabilities, whatever you can think of. The opportunities are endless for a soul seeking re-entry.

(On the other hand, I can think of some testimonies I have read from people who have had Near Death experiences, and they discover, to their great surprise and happiness, that they have children over there, who are growing as the years pass into adults, in the afterlife…having been aborted for some reason or other. So, I don’t know about the discrepancies here, just more stuff that I don’t understand.)

The discovery of personal Knowns, replacing personal Beliefs, which you will discover if you pursue this path of Afterlife Knowledge, will challenge a multitude of your approaches to life as well as death.

So immense can this experience be, that sometimes we need counselling and much time to adapt to all that this new field of knowledge carries as its vast, curling wave sweeps toward the shore of our established cultural life.

There are so very, very many of you out there, who cannot imagine living a life like mine, so full of change and challenge. Who have lived lives full of quiet common sense, good judgement, sound parental training for life, and steadily managed investment funds.

Some of us find ourselves as babies, born onto a wild beach with thundering tons of water pouring around our little ears as we began a lifelong gasp for breath that never seems to end.

And we make it through somehow, and discover the wonderful nature of life, no matter how difficult.

I prize my daughter’s life, being lived to the full and beyond…somewhere I cannot go, not yet. Somewhere different from this in many ways, but so much the same in many ways, too.

And when I remember her unexpected, life-altering appearance in my apartment that day, July 30, 1989, one year after her “death”, I recall how I troubled myself …did she have her hair cut the way I liked it, or was she still wearing it with her bangs (fringe if you’re British) in her eyes?  After she disappeared, I could not remember. But looking back over those years, so many years now, I think she had her bangs cut…I think.

Next time I saw her, caring for a wounded soldier who had yet to understand that he had died…I was pleased to see that she looked thoroughly professional from the top of her golden head to the tips of her spotless shoes.

Once a mom, always a mom.

That’s the way it is, folks.

P.S. It’s always the right time to begin again.

PPS: The Medium I mention in the book has passed away.


About gentlenurse

Blogging is not only a pleasure, it is a basic necessity...I don't know how I have lived so much of my life without a blog. It gives me a place to write, a motivation to write, lots of reasons for reading lots of mind-expanding and challenging books, plenty to think about and be happy about. It has become a centerpiece of my retirement life along with my friends and pets, my faith and my afterlife journeys.
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